Author's Chat with Stephanie Elzy author of “The Sweetness of a Bitter Cup: Journey of a Pastor’s Wife”

The daughter of Jonas and the late Delores Whitley, she is an Augusta native who is passionate about sharing the love of God.

If you’ve spent any time with her then you probably know that she is married to Roderick L. Elzy, Sr. and has two children- Whitley and Roderick, Jr. You may know that she graduated from the Medical College of Georgia in 1992 and has been a dental hygienist for 17 years. You might know that she helped serve the SDA church alongside her husband in pastoral ministries for nearly 10 years and is now a member of the Marietta Adventist Church in Marietta, Georgia.

However, there are a few things you may not know about her. She is the author of a book entitled “The Sweetness of A Bitter Cup,” which tells about the personal life crisis that transformed her life, and is the founder and director of Love. Life, and Living Ministries, an online ministry that seeks to help lead 21st Century women into personal relationships with Christ and to encourage and support their choice for Christian Living in an age where distractions are all around them.

She also hosts an online community forum called Former Pastors’ Wives, to help women who, for reasons of divorce, death, or vocational change, are no longer pastors’ wives anonymously connect with and support one another. She and her ministries have been highlighted in articles in Time Magazine (2007) and more recently in Called Magazine, (2009), a magazine created for female clergy.

She is presently pursuing a Masters of Divinity degree from Regent University with aspirations to one day earn a doctorate degree in Theological Anthropology. She recently completed a pastoral internship at the Marietta church and a Clinical Pastoral Education-Chaplaincy Internship at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta- Scottish Rite in Atlanta, Georgia.

Her name is Stephanie Elzy. No stranger to trials and challenges she longs to share the hope of God’s sustaining hand. Her life’s mission is to live a life of love, service, and fellowship as she awaits the coming of her blessed Savior.




Camille Kleidysz: Welcome to Inspiration Today! I am honored and thrilled to have the opportunity to interview you. You are my friend and mentor and truly a woman of God; this is evident from your sweet, peaceful spirit. You are also a mother, wife, author, singer, counselor, and pastor. God has truly blessed you with many gifts and talents. The title of your book is “The Sweetness of a Bitter Cup: Journey of a Pastor’s Wife”, what an intriguing title. Stephanie…what inspired you to write this book?


Stephanie Elzy: A traumatic life experience that I’d just come through and what I learned in that experience inspired me to write this book. The book is based on a very personal experience during a very difficult time in my life. But it was during those times that I found something that changed my life forever. And, I believed so strongly in what I learned, that it was so powerful and liberating, that I just had to testify and share it with others.


Camille: Give us a brief synopsis of “The Sweetness of a Bitter Cup”?

Stephanie Elzy: The Sweetness of a Bitter Cup is a non-fiction book that recaps a part of my life-story during a difficult time as a pastor’s wife in order to share the message that you can have true happiness in the midst of your bitter situations. As a pastor’s wife that had lost just about everything she believed in and had made her what she was, including her identity, I share the secret that turned my life around, the one that can do the same for others too. The story is filled with themes of love, rejection, resentment, and restoration and shares how to use those things to find a happier you. In it readers will find excerpts from my personal journal that helps tell the story and then blank journal pages for them to write out their own thoughts as they read the book.

I chose the title “The Sweetness of a Bitter Cup,” because I wanted to testify of the truth that God can and will give beauty for ashes. I wanted to encourage others that are going through devastating times by showing them that often times their greatest blessing lies in their most trying times and that if they’ll just reach out for it instead of running away from it they can have the greatest joy and security they’ve ever known. In fact, I think the subtitle says it best: “Find Everything Your Heart Desires in the Very things it Doesn’t Want.” Often what you’re searching for can be found in situations you don’t want to be in. You just have to seek it out. This book not only tells you that you can find sweetness in bitter situations, but also gives you steps on how to do that. I pray others will find it to be a blessing in their lives.

Camille: A lot of people do not understand that being a pastor’s wife is a calling and a ministry within itself. It takes a special character to manage the different dynamics that take place within a church congregation. In your book do you give advice to only pastor’s wives? Or can your book apply to anyone who may be going through a personal storm?

Stephanie Elzy: This book can be applied to the life of ANYONE. I only tell the story from the point of view of a pastor’s wife because that was my point of view. In the writing of the book I debated as to whether or not I should add “Journey of a Pastor’s Wife,” to the title, but I chose to for two reasons. One, because I wanted other pastors’ wives (PWs) to know that they were not alone, that there was somebody else out there who understood not only the joys that come along with being a PW, but also the pain and frustration they often times experience. Often times books written for PWs are flowery and idealistic, which, understand me, there is nothing wrong with that. I appreciate that. We need those kinds of books. But, I wanted to publish a book from a PW’s point of view that was written in first person and would be candid so that those PWs who found themselves in my situation could really relate and not feel alone.

The second reason I added that phrase to the title was because I wanted to, in some way, express the fact that PWs are real people with real struggles and real pain. Often others look at PWs and say “oh what a perfect life they must have,” because of our roles, our spouses’ role, our outward appearance, and what we represent [- that being the life-giving gospel]. And thus, being a PW, in the eyes of some, becomes a “prestigious” position on which only rose petals and sugar plums fall, when really, when it comes down to living life and experiencing pain, we’re no different than anybody else. So I wanted to, in my own way normalize the “pastor’s wife” to others, because what happens in the book happens to women across the board, from all walks of life, not just to some in one category and not others of another category. Pain has no categorical boundaries.

This book is for anyone who has, is, or will experience heartache…no special position, title, or role required.


Camille: It is rare to read a book that is written from a pastor’s wife’s point of view. Stephanie, you should be commended on your willingness to become completely transparent in order to minister to others. As authors we have a responsibility to be authentic and transparent, but as Christian authors we also have a responsibility to ministry. As a Christian author do you find it difficult to balance authenticity with ministry?


Stephanie Elzy: That is a very good question. It is a good question because I think it is an issue that is quietly overlooked, but should be addressed. Yes, I have found it to be somewhat challenging to balance authenticity with ministry. Authenticity, being real, is right up my alley. It’s how I prefer to do ministry. We’re all sinners saved by God’s grace and I can learn from you as well as you can learn from me. But if we’re all “perfect,” that is, pretending to be “perfect,” because we’re definitely not, then how can we grow? Iron sharpeneth iron, so you can learn from what I go through so you don’t have to pass that way and vice versa. But if we all live as though we are perfect then we are left stagnate in a false glorification of ourselves that prohibits our growth into Christ-likeness.

However, the problem I’ve found with this is that when one takes a risk, becomes vulnerable in transparency, others, even within the body of Christ, point fingers, starts rumors, or even ostracize the one trying to be transparent, saying “ooh, I knew she was a sinner,” or “I knew he wasn’t any good.” And instead of praising God for His restorative power, they chalk him/her up as unworthy to be heard.

There’s also the struggle of, at least for me, how much to share and how candid to be? Because I do believe that there are some things that might be better off left within the confines of one’s inner circle of trusted family and friends. Sad, but true, there are some you can’t trust your deepest personal truths with. So wisdom is definitely needed. For me, in writing this book, I definitely struggled and had to pray about it because it is so transparent. I felt it needed to be in order to help others more fully grasp the power of God. But it was not only my vulnerability I was risking, it was mine and my family’s as well, and I had to be very careful about that. During the writing process we had conversations about this, especially with my husband, and they too had to find a place of comfort within themselves for me to be able to share our story. I commend them for that.

I can stay up on this soapbox forever, but I won’t. I’ll just say, yes, I believe that as ministers we have the responsibility of authenticity, yet we must be wise and prudent in the doing of it because we live in an imperfect world.



Camille: Thank you for sharing with us today, tell us where we can purchase “The Sweetness of a Bitter Cup"?



Stephanie Elzy: There are two ways you can purchase the book:
www.Amazon.com (and once you’ve read it, I’d love to hear your feedback, so leave your feedback there on my Amazon book page.)
Contact me via shellzy34@yahoo.com requesting a copy of the book and I’ll send an autographed copy at the price of $10.
My website is under construction and should be going up any day now. But in the meantime, if you contact me via email, I can get the book shipped out to you right away. And for anyone who allows me permission to contact him/her via email in return, I would love to send out an e-announcement once the site is launched.

And if I may say one other thing, presently I do host a social site for Former Pastor’s Wives. It’s a place of encouragement and fellowship for those who find themselves no longer a “pastor’s wife.” Whether it is due to the death of a pastoral spouse, divorce, or change of a pastoral spouse’s vocation, this site is for you. It can be found at http://lllministries.proboards.com/index.cgi?



Camille: Complete this sentence I am blessed because...

Stephanie Elzy: God loves me unconditionally, and because of that He has given me a wonderful family who loves and supports me, He continually provides my every need, and He’s always there, no matter what I’m going through. I am blessed because I’m God’s child.

Camille Kleidysz: Once again I would like to thank author Stephanie Elzy for this compelling interview. “The Sweetness of a Bitter Cup: A Journey of a Pastor’s Wife” Is a must read. It is an authentic and amazing account of the demonstration of our Heavenly Father’s amazing grace and love throughout one’s life’s journey.